July 22, 2023... DDay End of Prozac

 

It was not a strong decision to cut off Prozac. I have been on its since the start of  my menopause in my early 50s.   My sister was failing in ICU in DC. I took 4 days supply of vitamins and pills. My husband was to come down and bring my pills after the 4 day supply was empty. My sister was in a very bad way. A decision was made to keep hubby at home with good memories of my sister. 

After the longest two weeks of my life at the Sibley Hospital, my sister was transferred to a standard hospital room and I flew home. I stayed off the pill for four days and then took 1 pill and call my doctor.

That was my last pill. Have I felt changes in my brain? Yes and no. I have flashbacks of younger self. I see a very sad, lonely and quiet soul. My people skills were nonexistent. My learning skill were minium and I struggled to keep alert to listen to the teacher and not to watch the pigeons on the window sills outside the class you. I did not know how to ask for help. I worked hard but, the lesson of the day did not stick into my brain. I constantly brought the wrong books home to do my homework, forgot the homework assignments, and my parents worried that there was something wrong with me. 

My mother wanted to take me to seek professional help. My father said no. My brain fog stayed and I went on as best as I could.

I cried a lot because I was alway very sad. I pulled all my eyelashes out many, many times. I pulled my chair into my closet and would sit inside the closet with the light on and the door shut for hours.

 I was always late, had no motivation and kept moving forward.

My mother helped me tremendously with ways to deal with my extreme shyness. But inside I was still that shy, and quiet person. 

Years later, I was in my mid 30s. I got brave and went to therapy. It was wonderful. I was allowed to name this sad little child and named it my little chicken. I started taking Prozac on my doctor's recommendation. Prozac made the front cover of TIME Magazine.  

And...there you have a short but sad story of a shy girl with blond curls.

PS: of course it turned out to one of the most depressing time of my life. The Ukare War, moving 100 year old mother in law into assisted living, spending months cleaning out her apartment ( 100 years of clutter, dirt, old papers, and two tons of costume jewelry.  I was dead tired and my brain hurt during this process. Oh, and Trump was in the news running for a second term and being indicted for being a bad person with no morals.