The hardest part of being a survivor of bulling, is to find out that someone else close to you was also a survivor.
I spent a blissful 5 years at elementary school in a very nice and calm school in Newton, MASS.
For me it was the best place to get my early learning. I was extremely shy and did not have any skills to break out of myself and interact with people. At the end of Fourth Grade, we sold our home and moved to Springfield, MASS.
I started 5th grade in a very old school building that had a gravel playground. It was a little rough around the edges this building. It was hot in good weather and cold in bad weather. The basement near the bomb shelter was our "so called gym". The classrooms were large, with huge windows on the side. Next door to our room was a large open coat closet. Windows rattled in the winter. Pigeons nested on the outside ledges.
In six grade, my teachers was well past retirement age, and I started to learn how to day dream look out the big windows. I remember bringing in a newspaper article about Elvis's hub caps being stolen for show and tell. I proudly read the article in front of the class. My teacher was horrified that I would bring in a story about Elvis, and his hub caps. I was very happy to move onto 7th Grade in Forest Park Junior High School.
I met a friend and life settled into a nice routine. This school was also very old. The girls shower room was dark and dank. The cafeteria was in the basement. I took cooking and sewing in home economics. My mother had a bad accident and broke both her wrists, and check bone. It was a very lonely time for me.
My father did the cooking, and cleaning. Mom got jaundice and took such a long time to heal. At the same time my father's business was failing. Money was tight. So, at the end of eight grade we moved again.
This time we moved to a small ranch in Wellesley, MASS. My new school was very new and shinny. It had a huge gym with all the fittings. For some unknow reason to me, I was assigned home room for the band. I room attached to the auditorium. The band would practice during home room assignments and every student and the band leader would leave me alone in the room to practice. Being new, this isolation was very hard. I had no friends, no one to hang out with. I also did not have the skill set to be brave enough to meet anyone. People in Wellesley had money, and we did not have money.
I learnt that I could not afford the fashions of my other students. I so wanted a Villager Dress and penny loafers. I dressed differently, acted differently and I hurt knowing I would never fit it. 5th and 6th grade in Jr. High was not fun for me.
I entered Wellesley Senior High. It was a nice school, a pretty school and again, I did not fit in.
All 7th graders had to take a Speech Class. Our assignment was to pick a topic of interest and make a speech to the class. I was fascinated by all things Japanese so, I choice my topic to be The Japanese Tea Ritual. I did not get a good grade. The speech teacher thought I should have picked a topic that more of my fellow students would have enjoyed. What did I know about what other students liked. I was a loner, a sad lonely kid who spent my time at home alone, and alone at school.
Somehow, I got through 9th and 10th grade. A class trip to NY City and the Worlds Fair was announced in my senior year. My parents said I could go. On the signup form, it asked who you would like for a room mate at the hotel. I wrote down the name of a nice Italian girl that I sort of knew.
When we arrived that night at the hotel, We were assigned rooms. We checked into our room and my Italian room mate was very upset because she got me as a room mate and she wanted to be with her friends. After dinner, we went back to our room and she told me that she was not staying in our room, her friends wanted her to stay in their room. So she left. I was alone, in the room with no window, just a dark air duct. No view just darkness. It was very scary for me. I did not sleep well and I was sad that my roommate had dumped me. In the morning, after breakfast we took the bus to The Worlds Fair. I remember how excited I was. We all left the bus, and I started to follow a group of my classmates. One of them, said to me GO AWAY, we don't want you with us. She kept repeating this and her voice got louder and louder. I did not know what to do. The all walked away, and then then ran away. I ran to follow them but soon I was alone at the World's Fair. Just me. I was crying, and did not know what to do. I noticed Belgium Waffle sign and ordered on with fresh strawberries, ice cream and whipped cream. I decided to look at the program and picked the venues that I most wanted to see. Ate my first Belgium Waffle of the day, and lifted up my head and spend a glorious day at the fair. Yes, I had a second Belgium Waffle that day. I went to all the exhibits and was thrilled about this fair. What fun I had. Who needed to be with shitty girls. I could do this on my own.
I never understood where I got the strength to proceed but, from that day forth I did things by myself and had great times discovering Boston, MFA, Filenes Basement, the Boston Gardens, Freedom Trail and the Swan Boats.
So, when I found out just recently that my niece had been bullied in high school also, it brought my day at the Worlds Fair to the front of my memories. I know the pain she went through. I lived myself. I isolated myself for many years. I trusted no one. I never had more that one friend at a time. I spent most of my time in Wellesley isolated, lonely and very sad. I wanted more. I wanted friends, I wanted to be able to connect with people my age. But, I knew that I could be strong and independent. So, I remember the sadness.
So, I was sad, but, it taught me a life lesson. Know thyself. Enjoy your own company. Love yourself. Be kind to all sad and lonely people.
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