Slow Recovery Of Getting One's Own Life Back together

 Seriously, how long should it take to get my normal life back. You know the one, travel  around Europe on a small French Cruise Ship where almost no English was spoken. Traveling without a mask, wearing a mask during PT mission impossible but now I do it twice a week. Fear of shopping without a mask, or just the fear of being with a lot of unknown people.  

Last March 3, at 9:45am I meet Dr. Matheous and he asked me what I wanted to do about my bone on bone knees (which also were wind swept).  Out of my mouth I said "I WANT MY LIFE BACK". With my permission he scheduled me for a complete Right knee replacement on June 1. Three months later, I told Dr. Matheous at a follow up visit that if I had to cancel our  trip to France again (It would be the fourth time due to Covid.) …if I had to cancel our France Trip, that I wanted to have a surgery for my total replacement of my Right knee in October. As it turned out, October did not work, but he finally scheduled my operation on November 16th. 

And so it went, another covid test, another interview with the hospital staff, MRI, bag full of drugs and repaired crutches and borrowed Merilyn's walker once again.

Today is December 23rd, Christmas is this weekend. I am walking without the walker, or my crutches.

PT exercises are strengthening my new right knee. The only drug that I am still on is baby aspirin.  

My knee still gets very hot, still use ice, but, the pain level is doable without drugs. 

I still fizzle out of energy without warning. I still don't have the greatest sleep and I still take naps.

I read my history books, and listen to Classical Station WBUR at home. It calms me. Covid is still around, we here both have had our two covid shots, and booster shot. And for extra protection, we also got flu shots.

We stay home a lot. First, we stayed home because I was too weak, to doing much of anything. Now, we stay home due to another Covid variant is spreading like wild flower and its name is the

Omicron variant. 

Covid nags at my brain. It is always the light that is left on in the attic. It stops me from getting involved with new projects. It make me sad, it makes me cry and scream. There is no normal anything anymore. On top of this, I am spending all my energies get strong legs and knees to be able to take long walks this spring, work in my garden (clean up the fall dead plants at last, and perhaps, ride my bike.

So this is why I am not doing any embroidery projects, or playing with my new sewing machine, or drawing, walking the ocean or even feeling any creativity. 

All my energies are going to my knees. Let me repeat....all my energies are going to my knees and my legs. I am getting stronger, I will be walking in the spring. If that is not a huge task, I don't know anything more challenging that I can set my mind to.

So off Dancer, Prancer, and Santa. All I walk for Christmas is a good hike in the woods, up hills, down hills, around trees and shrubs.

I can do this...and yes, I am doing this. Watch me go.

Eye to Eye Contact During this Long, and Drawn out Pandemic

There was an artist show at a large old barn in Newbury. It was very organized. They allowed only people wearing masks. They allowed only a certain number in the barn. There were outside lines waiting to get in. Anticipation is everything. 

I was still using one crutch after my total right knee replacement, so I moved slowly and mindfully around the art work and artists. I stood away from the art and close to the artist. It was then that I  realized that the only part of  these people faces and my also, was our eyes. I started to make eye contact. Eye to Eye. How close is that, how personal is that. I talked softly and asked people where they were from, how they started their art and general questions.

But all the time our eyes communicated with each other. It was a very warm connection with strangers.

The eyes see so much, and eye to eye

is a personal experience. 

I closed my eyes and realized I was the goddess.

Who is this brave woman?  Who is the goddess of knees?

Who is striving to get her life back to normal?

Me. Just me.

When people say I am brave, I laugh. Who me? No Way.

But, in hind set , I see that it is me.

Congratulations to me.

Happy Warier to me.

I am strong. I have strong thoughts and action plans.

Who do I love?

ME!

Recovery Photos- Right Knee Replacement Nov.16, 2021

 

It truly takes a village to recover from Knee Surgery. 

Happy Holiday Greetings going into the Deep Well of Healing

 My right knee surgery is scheduled for Nov. 16 which is exactly ten days away from Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is no longer my favorite family holiday. Too much stress with fighting in-laws. Too many bad memories of spit fire anger over the turkey meal. Long ago, I loved Turkey day. We dressed up in our finest cloths, put the best linens on the dining room table, and took out the Lenox china and the fancy crystal glasses. The silver was polished up, and the entire house was tidy and clean. 

The meal was so festive and fun. Mom always bought  a frozen Mrs. Smith Apple pie. No one in our family baked. My mother would always say " Why back when Mrs. Smith's pies were so good and such treat to us all." 

Right now, Thanksgiving is 16 days away. I am not anxious about the upcoming surgery. I just let those thoughts roll of the top of my mind. What pain I will be in will come and go. I just need to stay focused on healing, staying positive, and keep the anticipation of soon to be pain free in both knees in the back of my mind, long walks in my future.  

Keep on the sunny side, my dear.....I know you have alot of nice walks in your future.

The Dark Side of Getting Well

My Right Knee surgery is coming up and it feels like the circus has moved in.  My Covid calendar which was pretty blank is filling in with Doctor , my hospital surgical Nurse Practitioner, , my surgeon's Nurse Practitioner, EKG, blood works and Follow up and finally Pt Appointments. Calls must be made to get my covid test 72 hours prior to the procedure. Three days prior, I must apply a surgical soap bottle to my body and continue for the next two days.

Call the hospital to reverify my operation's time. Go to the Pharmacy and pick up pills, and more pills. I am exhausted already and have not been sleep well. 

I need to go to that quiet place in my brain and let the sounds fade.

 

Singing in The September Blues Style in My Dreams

 

The Ups and Downs of an Ordinary Women with love in her heart.

 Trials and tribulations of life surrounded me this month. Death, illness, disappointments, and despair. Full moon, thunder storms and cool autumn day were the norm this month.

We cancelled our Paris trip for the third time due to covid. This time, we have another cruise credit and now a Delta Airline credit. 

My October surgery is not scheduled. Maybe November  date is possible …ah the frustrations of reaching staff and moving forward.

 Wendy's cat Carson is now in heaven and so is her 89 year old mother Helen. And life goes on.

Saying I am very sad isn't enough. I feel as if the floor below me has been pulled out under my feet. Frustrated, angry, tired, and sad. 

So so sorry ... we are still in the pandemic.

 The pandemic keeps returning. Masks on, masks off. People die, people who refused shots die, non-science believers. Are we back in the dark ages. Angry people in parking lots. People waiting to have their groceries check out with looks of terror in their faces. This is not a movie, this was our trip to the supermarket.

We got our shots, we were masks, and yet we are not the heroes. We cancelled France trip and tried to go to Quebec City. That one on big issue. Looked all over New England and prices are totally out of control for hotel rooms, b n bs,  and air b n bs. $400 for a night in Portland, Me. No way. 

I had a CAT Scan of my right leg, and knee this morning. Proceeding with another operation. Here we go again.

Trashed a very old Mac Lap Top. Always wanted to look inside one of theses beauties.

On the happier side, our hibiscus is a joy this summer. Never had three colors in one bush. Looking at it makes me happy. I carry on. 

Make the most of each day, smile at people, stay home and enjoy the company. New normal stinks. 

Another Year No France for us....

 Today, we cancelled the hotels, car, cruise, and soon we cancel the air to France.

Neither one of our Passe Santaire (French Government translation of our Corvid Vaccination Record was sent out to us. There is no sense going to France and not being able to get into a bar, market, or even a hotel. The option of going to France and trying to get the pass is just too risky for us.  So far the French Government has stalled the passes and continues to stall the passes. I quit.

Rosh Hashanah and Wishes for the Upcoming New Year.

 Ripples in the water. Time will tell how 2021 will go down in history. To me it will be the year to replace my knees. It will be the summer that broke the all time records, for high temperatures and rainfall.

It will be the year that covid went away and came back to kill children from adults who did not vaccinate.

It will be the year will finally were able to go inside without masks, and the return of the inside masks. It will be the year that the US pulled out of Afghanistan. The year of "help wanted signs, no one wanting to work and lose the stimulus funds.

It will be the year of global depression, sadness and despair. 

It will the year we celebrate 9/11's 20th anniversary and review set backs and success since that awful day.

It will be the fourth time that we had to cancel our Normandy Seine River trip.

Positive notes, we are healthy. We also have had our shots. We have good friends. We can afford groceries.

Kind of Blue without any Jazz

Each day our chances of getting into France lowers. Waiting For Vox Pass, EU puts US on "don't allow in our country list.  Waiting for France to come out or against our trip.    No news from the  airline (DL), cruise line (CrosiEurope) , or Country (France).

So yes, 22 days to go and we have no hints, only bad hints that this trip will be cancelled for the fourth time due to Covid and it variences.  

One thing that is better is the weather here. We had a week or more of outdoor humidity of 85%. 

My finger, toes, knees, ears and shoulders hurt. Today it is much better. I do hope we don't have any more months of this really high heat along with humidity. 

Charge on little one. Keep that path straight and forward...charging into the unknown future. 

How to choose happiness.

First, think happy thoughts.

   

First think happy thoughts.

Next, smile until you feel happy.

Last night, repeat.

 

Taking Stock of This Year's Resolution....2021

 PATIENCE, Have Patience, practice patience, and continue again.

I took a list of questions, and observations to my knee surgeon. He looked me in the eye and said you had major surgery, this will take time....and bingo I remembered my New Years  Resolution:

how could I forget?

PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt worn out, tired, exhausted, and sad. I wanted to feel good again, sleep well again, dream again and be a loving soul again. Dr. Mateous was 100% on target. 

After France, if we go???

I will have my right knee fixed. I will go through this process again. It will be familiar, I will no longer be a hospital rookie. 

Next summer 2022...will be my summer of two good knees. That is something to dream about, be patient again and take the ride through the surgery. 

I know I can do this. I can do this with the pandemic, it will be harder. Yes, harder. 

Look to the summer of 2022.

7Aug21 Down in the Dumps, Dru to the Rescue 2 Hours on PIWR Beach Parking Lot 6

Giant Cat  Not happy with the New Trolley

 This last week, everything seemed to be in back and white. My mood was black and white. The Dixie fire in California grew to record breaking heights. Ethiopians face a major famine. Global warming blamed for massive floods in Europe. The news screams at me. Bad New, Bad New and more Bad News.  The other day, while watching the news, I curled up into a fetal position on my couch. I could not take it any more.

I did not sleep very well that night. Probably I crashed about 1:30am. I had my alarm on for 7am. I was going to the beach with a bathing suit for the first time in years. I did not make coffee. Bad mistake. I got into to the car half awake. I wrestled with the steering wheel.   Luckily for me , Dru  had coffee ready for me and we went onto Plum Island Wildlife Refuge and got to parking lot 6 before 7:30am. We got the last parking site. We hiked to the beach and sat down on our chairs, and took deep breaths of the ocean, the blue sky, and listened to the waves. It was pure magic. I forgot about my knee surgery. I forgot about the world news. I was on the beach, with no camera, I was fully present.  I was alive, happy and warm.

We stripped down  to our suits and walked to the water's edge. Cold water touched our toes. The surf beat our toes. New England cold water always brings back my beach days as a child. I would stay in the cold water until my lips turned blue and I had a big shiver on. Mom would call me in and warm me with a fresh towel. 

We walked down the beach and talked to the Pipping Plover Warden, who advised us that parts of the beach were still going to be closed due to the young plovers. These birds are federally protected.

After two hours, we packed up and went back to the cottage. We talked about art, growing up, and how to get world peace. Girl talk.

Then I got back into my car, and started to drive. the car still was stiff and I released that something happened to power steering. There was no power steering. It was like driving my mom's 1957 Chevy, driving a tank. I did go straight home. 

My car had no power steering fluid. The dark clouds came back into my mind. 

Whole Lot of Stupid Still Going On

 It makes me mad when I hear intelligent people, repeat really stupid information.

Have we become a super stupid nation of people who only read Facebook on the internet. Do they ever read a good book, discuss art, and beauty? I do not think so.

They are missing so much beauty in life. Beauty in the little things around them. A Flower, a smile, or even a small bird flying around the neighborhood. They are so advanced internalizing their thoughts of others, and not processing their own thoughts, cares, and values.

Life is short. Life is too short to cut oneself off from knowledge, information and education.

People todays, are busy publicizing their deeds, life and actives. All very mundane information that is dull, respective and unimportant. Do they realize how boring this information is. Its all about me, me and me.

Aren't I wonderful. What ever happened to caring about your neighbor, a hungry person, or just a very sad person. Get out of your shell and look around you. Care about people not things. Care about helping people.  Life is not about just you. There are millions of us around this planet who need help and caring.

I woke up grumpy this morning. 

Feels like a normal day .

This is the first day without record breaking  heat or rain since June first. I am sitting on our back deck watching the feeding hummingbirds tank up and protecting their territory.

The baby cooper hawks are out trying to scream their dinner to death. I hate that they hunt so close to the house. We stopped putting any seeds in the feeders. I did not want them to be sitting ducks. 

A fabulous day yard rated A plus. I am soon to leave  as the mosquitoes have just found me.

Feeling somewhat normal again. Seven weeks from my complete knee surgery. Exercising with weights, and PT will sadly be ending soon.

I am so ready to get back into my life. Prior to the pandemic. Darn that Delta Variant. Speeding quickly around the country and world. Will France stay open and allow us to finally take our Normandy trip. Cancelled twice...I think the third time should be the winner.  But, I have no control. No control 2021.

Black and Blue All Over

 Waiting for my old energy, curiosity and optimistic old self to arrive home again.

July 15,2021

The traveler, adventurous, and darn fine spirited person left for vacation and has yet to return.

The pandemic blues, surgery recovery and the need for isolation or really quiet time is still with me.

July 16th,Friday. PT with weights......

Time to get back to my cross stitch pattern. More gardening. Forest bathing, coopers hawk next viewing, and hummingbird watching to put on a hug smile in my face.

View from Medical Office Window in Newburyport. A hot and cloudy rain. It has rained almost every day in July. The scene could be in the mountains of New Hampshire, or even near the sea coast in Maine, but, no, no this is from the Medical Office Window in Newburyport..

I always say that as a photographer, I need to look for scenes that catch my eye.

Music the Great Ladies sing Gershwin....Ella Fitzgerald,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dinah Washington

Sarah Vaughn.....................Shirley Horn

Nina Simone........................Betty Carter

Fabulous music and I bought the cd for .50.

                                                                 

Woke up to pair of fledged copper hawks talking to their parent, our blueberry tree ripe with blueberries attached by a family of racoons, and nesting ants under front outdoor entrance deck.

 

After a week of rain, hurricane Irma pass by and hot then cold weather.....this has been the July of Julys.

One big setback, pulling the thigh muscle of my new knee side. Picked up a soaking wet large birthday present left on our front deck. I used the wrong leg (leg) to walk over the threshold, and my left thigh went into a cosmic muscle spasm. The only words that came out of my mouth was ICE,NOW!!!

My knee confidence was destroyed. Going up or down stairs was a long and painful task. Today, a week later, the muscle has calmed down. My new knee has not calmed down. To make maters worse, we have had a week of record cold, hot, raining, storms weather. So, my arthritis has kicked in. They say you can learn from bad experiences. I have learnt that I MUST BE MORE PATIENT. Healing is a long process. It can not be rushed. Rest when the body calls for sleep, there is healing going on.  Respect this healing. Learn from this experience. There are things you can not rush, control or be in charge of. Let the body be your teacher and experience self healing for your body. 

Self Healing, Soft Rain and Joys of Sleep

 Just passed the three week mark since I got my new left knee. There is a new calmness in my soul now.

I am deep in self healing. Working my knee, taking naps, sun lotion on my incision. All good things.

All things that are new to me. I was a rookie at the hospital, and I am a rookie at home.  Never gone through this before. But, still the process of healing, well self healing is very liberating. Self love, self care, and self kindness are all wonderful products of a new knee.

Self love, self kindness, self respect  and self healing are winning combinations to healing. It also puts a smile on my face, heart and soul. 

In Recovery Mode....oh happy days.

Oh Joy Flowers

 

Before and After

Every Day My New knee becomes more naked and explosed.

I have not blogged since the end of May. June 1, 2021 Dr. Matteous replaced my arthritic left knee...totally. All new and all good.  Since that day, I fight for a good night sleep, use my Nice Ice Machine ...ahhh, and exercise. I am reading a lot of good non fiction books,  eating too many cookies and ice cream deserts. I am getting stronger, and working very hard at getting stronger. My progress is pretty amazing. This leg was shooting iron electric stabs from my dead, bone on bone knee cap. No warning of the pain, just pure electric shocks all day and night. What a relief this new knee is. This new knee works like a fabulous knee. We are a team, again. I am so happy to be back in the loop of my life. Stronger every day,  smiling all the way to recovery. 

Thoughts on Surgery, rain, and love.

 I had my first and hopefully only Covid test today which is mandatory for my upcoming knee replacement. I still find it hard to use the word surgery.  I am a surgery rookie, unlike my wonderful sister. She is another long story. 

 We are in the middle of  a huge northern storm and it is raining cats, and dogs out there. It is a dark and dank day today.  But, the flowers, shrubs and plants needed a good spring soaking. A small humming bird was just at our feeder. Poor thing to be hungry on such a dismal day.

I am rather lucky to have found my soul mate about 35 years ago. He will be my pain coach, driver, and companion while I recuperate. He does not know how to make chicken soup, but, he has so many pluses in his resume, I can't list them.

I will be working hard to brake in my new knee the next few months. I look forward to no pain in my left knee, leg and back. I look forward to walking long distances, being flexible to walk up and down stairs and have my life back. I most likely will have to have my right knee done at some point. But, for the next few months, my focus will be on my left knee.

Blog for my left knee

 I was able to blog during the pandemic. My worries, my few joys, and mostly my fears. This entire time I have had a bad left knee. It needs to be replaced. It will be replaced on June 1 if all goes as planned.

I have been in pain for way to long. I have tried to act normal while I feel like crying, screaming, or even hiding under my bed spread.

Yesterday, for the first time, I admitted to myself, that the pain is real. I am walking strange, stairs are an issue and  I want my life back.

                                                                                

I so want to walk for miles, I so want to run up and down the stairs, I so want to take my garden wagon out of the shed and fill it up with weeds, fallen parts of trees, and other spring time clean up miscellaneous stuff. 

I have had a bad back since my twenties. I am now in my seventies. How have I dealt with the pain, and loss of activity for so long.  I have been in a pain fog so long, that it has become my reality.

I sit at my desk and look at the pile of hospital papers, x-rays, and a uncompleted prime directive. To ventilate or not to ventilate that is my question. I say go for life and fight for it every day and every second.

Waiting and Waiting in Spring

 

Spring is full of waiting time. Waiting to hear the first new green leaves sway and play in the breeze. Spring is waiting for the first hummingbird to appear on our feeder. This spring waiting for the call from my doctor's office as to the date of my upcoming surgery. 

No sounds from the leaves, nor are there any hummingbirds (lots of chickadees feeding on the sweet syrup). Today, I got the call for the day of my surgery ..June 1. 

A huge weight has  lifted  in my anxiety. I can't wait for a working knee ...pain free. Oh yes, I am excited. 

Hitting a Brick Wall of Old Memories and Stories at 3:30am

 Full Steam ahead.....the mind is rushing, the thoughts are flying through space at a record speed and I am sitting at my desk at 3:30am with head cat in residence as my supervisor.

I miss David, it is spring and he is the spring guy who brought the beauty of  birds as the returned to our yard to mate, play and have their young. The joy of the warblers, bright, bold, and fast moving in the tops of the trees. 

I miss my old life.  The coming of the fourth pandemic round is terrifying me. Even with two covid shots in me, I feel cold and alone.

The weather is 70 one day and next day the sea winds chill my bones and I hide under the feather comforter for warmth and security.

I am having alone one huge  panic attack that is creeping up on me. I don't recognize my thoughts, actions or being. I am alone in my mind.

IT took 2 1/2 hours but now I can take penicillin

 Well, for the last 65 years, I always put on my doctor's questioner allergic to Penicillin.

Yesterday, it was confirmed that no, I am not allergic and for 65 years I thought I was.

Go figure. I enjoyed reading Eleanor Roosevelt's  book 3 reading at the longest ever Dr. appointment. Hitler is taking over Europe, country by country. What a frightening time it must have been.

  

Finally, we get our second covoid shot.

 Getting the appointment for the shots was near impossible. Finally, we went through a back door and got appointments. Getting the shot were the easy part. Very organized, swift, fast moving and before you know it...it is done and you have the paper work to prove it.

It is very anticlimactic. Joy lasts for a few moments. Relief and freedom thought last a little bit longer. Soreness in my arm lasted the longest. Poof and it was over. Stress levels down, a hint of a normal life.

Then I hear the shots las six month.  We never win.

Two Extremes of life...life of the party and the party is over.

 The heavy winds this winter, torn away a dune and its walk way. Last chance to walk PIWR's beaches before their April 1, 2021 closure for the shore birds who nest here. Pipping Plovers are endangered species. They have no proper nests, and they love to nest on the shoreline where they are invisible and so are their chicks. Humans could walk on their nests, and have walked on their nests in the past. Therefore, the refuge closes all beaches from April 1 to after the chicks have fledged and are safe.

We walked from the parking lot to the beach with our big bags for trash, and long plastic grippers  to pickup the trash. Beautiful day, super low tide....a lot of beach access and coast access.

First warm day in a long time. It was just perfect day. Pick garbage, rest, look at rocks, and sand formations and repeat.  I felt free for the first time since Covid surfaced in the universe. Free....seeing the salt air and ocean's breath. Delicious, combinations of smells. I felt like a young puppy who had not seen the ocean in a very long time. 

The party is over. Things have changed. Businesses have changed. Rules have changed. People's brain have been rewired due to the pandemic stress. People are not happy or sad. They are in-between the feelings. Not fully awake and fully happy or sad. Just doing the motions to stay alive and keep on moving. No one told Micky to pack his bags.

I Have Spring Fever

 

I feel somewhat happy, calm and aware of my surroundings. Shirley Horn singing Love is Wild on the computer speakers. The sun is still in the semi-magic hour time. My right foot is taping with ms. Shirley.

The hooded mergansers are back on the pond. The male is getting introduced to the lovely ladies. Very, very pretty sight indeed.

There are neighbors walking and strangers walking down our street. Some people are bird watchers or photographers who are quiet, slow moving and tuned in. Then, there are the people, who yell and argue outside on their phone very, very loudly.  The bikes can be loud, as the bikers love to carrying on long conversations at high speed, or a Harley motorcycles fans riding on our quiet road at high revving  speeds.

We also so have the old neighborhood dogs. A few unnamed neighbors never, ever will pick up their dogs poops. After winter, there are piles of his poops up and down the road. Now, we have people who walk their  dogs  on a leash, and some not on a leash who are  barking loudly and running freely down through the wood trail. 

This was a quiet street. There was no trains, just tracks that were fun to walk along the marsh.  Those days are gone. 

What we need are some really good pot holes, just like in the old days. It was so delightful when they rebuilt the bridge which turned our road into a dead end. Ah, it was magical. But we move on. Time changes and it moves on.

quiet thoughts as spring is just around the corner.

 

The melting has started. The birds have been singing. The trees are producing tiny buds. The ants are in our kitchen. Sure signs of spring are all around me. Spring is flowers, sweet smells of blooms in the air, and a warm sun to soak in.

We have had our first corvid shot. In April, we will have our second shot and we will start to enjoy our lives out of the house again. 

I am working on re-wiring my brain from its Covid Panic mode. Being aware of the dark depression, helps it lift away slowly.

A New View of Life

 New x-rays  of my knee were taken this past week. New Doctor, new x-rays. Sun shinning on me.

I have two Wind Swept Knee. No wonder, I have a bad back, sore knees, and sore feet, etc.

It was like someone turning on a bulb. Fix knees, back should be better. More stabilized on the left side. No more falling down on the left side, whether I am biking, walking, or gardening. In May I will get more stabilized. There will be pain, down time, but, the end result will be a brand new me.

A BRAND NEW ME.  At 71 1/2 I will have another start at exercising, walking, and being active outside.

Not to mention walking up or down stairs.  I am so excited and nervous, but, happy this is coming.

Next Friday, Glenn and I go to the Danvers Double Tree for our first covid shots. Glenn called a lilsted 800 number and found a man who listed to his complaints about the MASS Covid Fact Line.

I came home from pt and called the same number and it took some fast talking, but finally, the voice made my reservation for the same time as Glenn. Oh yes...that you Glenn. We have waited a long time for these shots to help normalize our lives.

WINDWARD KNEES AND MOMS IN HOSPICE.

 Life is such an up and down affair. Things happen. People age and people die.

Sometimes happiness overflows our souls, and other times not a drop of sunshine can  warm up our souls.

It comes and it goes. Life goes on. I breath in and I breath out. I sleep and I wake up. 

Nothing can remain the same for very long.  Change is not an option. Change will come. Slowly it marches forward, and speeds up near the end of the trail. Why the hurry? Changes come fast in this fast world I lie in. 

Sunday After Trump Second Impeachment Trail

 Listening to Carlos Santa on the guitar safe in my office. Dishes are being washed in the kitchen. Morning is fleeting away from me. Happy Heart Day. It would have done my heart a world of good if the Republicans voted Trump Guilty. Seven brave or soon to be retired Senators did their due diligence.

I sit in my bathrobe feeling like I have been robbed. Trump got away with his lies once again. People still listen to him. Where oh where is the country I knew as a child. It is not that I grew up, but, times they did change. 

I hope to be vaccinated soon but in heart, I know I will have to be patient. I have to remember that everything is new this year. New shots, new procedures, more deaths, more lies, and more depression.

I am at the age that I want to have fun, to travel, eat out, drink out, and laugh …yes laugh a lot.

Trying my best to be still in my brain and active in my heart. 

I am tired. Very tired. 

Today will be a nice day for my European hot chocolate delight.

Today, I will  have some quiet time. Today, I will read. Today, I will smile, laugh and be crazy.

After all, it is Sunday. 

Snowing for two days and I am back smiling.

 Just outside cleaning off my car, and walked around taking great black and white photos of the snow. Did not realize how much I missed the snow. That quietness, the sense of going nowhere and the happiness of it.

Snow, soft and cold, wet and crunchy how much I need a good snowstorm to center myself.

No place to go. No appointments. Refrigerator is stocked with Trader Joe's goodies.

Classical music from the internet. I am good to go and center myself. Can't find my downloaded pictures of today. But, this picture pretty much sums up how I feel today.

Yippie i ay.

I have waited four years for the Biden Inaugural Celebration.

 Four years ago, I decided that as soon as Trump entered the White House, I vowed not to cut my hair until he left. I have very long hair now.