Sure my arthritis is flaring. Life is not perfect.
On Sunday I found out that my old doctor, friend, and an extremely special person in my life died. A few months ago, he was very excited to tell me he beat his cancer. Looking back, maybe he lied, or maybe his frail body gave up. I don't know. I don't like to find death notices on Facebook. But, this is how life is now. Instant. In your face, news.
A friend recommended him as a doctor to me, many years ago. He was a holistic doctor, he was local and she said he was funny. When her young son had strep throat, she went to his office. Alan looked at the boy's throat and looked at the mother and all he said was yucky. That was so like him.
Yucky. That summed it up.
I went to his clinic when I found a tick embedded in my arm. I made an appointment. He was moving the lawn of the clinic with a push mower. He asked me why I was there. I said I had an appointment. He said again really why are you here. So, I showed him the tick. He pulled it out and said, go inside and cancel your appointment. Tell them that the gardener says you are ok and don't need an appointment.
I also did his travel arrangements. Every summer, he went to Arizona. One day he told me why and what he did in Arizona. He worked a month at an Indian Clinic so that the only doctor at the reservation could have a vacation. So, he gave up his vacation to help another human being in need.
One day, he came in with a huge smile. He had met Sara and they were planning a trip. He beamed and said....."Make sure that we are seated together. I am going to hold her hand the entire trip." She was the love of his life.
I was so blessed to know him and his humanity.
Another friend of ours, is now in hospice care. Three months left. The long painful cancer fight is over. I drew in a long breath and held it in. The news hurt, I was crushed. I am crushed. I spiraled into a deep depression. Depression and self quarenting are not a good combination. This new hurt me so badly. He was our birding partner, foody trip member, and a cook extraordinary. He is a man with a sense of humor that lights up ones soul. How could I go on without him.
I spent a few nights not being able to sleep. I would wake up at 3:00am and not be able to go back to sleep. I was exhausted. I was in pain in my soul and my body. Every inch of me ached.
Last night, I went to bed at 9pm. I slept long and hard and I dreamed amazing dreams.
I thought of my two friends. One now dead and the other dying. As my dream opened up for me, I realised what a gift these two men have been to me. Both men were made of cosmic dust and I had received the largest gift of my life by being in this dust storm of their hopes and dreams.
I woke up happy and content. A gift this big is something to be happy about. Something to cherish. I will always cherish them both in my heart.
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