Thoughts of Gifts of Friendship and Death

For the last few days, I must admit that I have been extremely depressed. Sure my back is hurting.
Sure my arthritis is flaring.  Life is not perfect.
On Sunday I found out that my old doctor, friend, and an extremely special person in my life died. A few months ago, he was very excited to tell me he beat his cancer. Looking back, maybe he lied, or maybe his frail body gave up. I don't know. I don't like to find death notices on Facebook. But, this is how life is now. Instant. In your face, news.
A friend recommended him as a doctor to me, many years ago. He was a holistic doctor, he was local and she said he was funny. When her young son had strep throat, she went to his office. Alan looked at the boy's throat and looked at the mother and all he said was yucky. That was so like him.
Yucky. That summed it up.
I went to his clinic when I found a tick embedded in my arm. I made an appointment. He was moving the lawn of the clinic with a push mower. He asked me why I was there. I said I had an appointment. He said again really why are you here. So, I showed him the tick. He pulled it out and said, go inside and cancel your appointment. Tell them that the gardener says you are ok and don't need an appointment.
I also did his travel arrangements.   Every summer, he went to Arizona.  One day he told me why and what he did in Arizona.  He worked a month at an Indian Clinic so that the only doctor at the reservation could have a vacation. So, he gave up his vacation to help another human being in need.
One day, he came in with a huge smile. He had met Sara and they were planning a trip. He beamed and said....."Make sure that we are seated together. I am going to hold her hand the entire trip." She was the love of his life.
I was so blessed to know him and his humanity.
Another friend of ours, is now in hospice care. Three months left. The long painful cancer fight is over.  I drew in a long breath and held it in. The news hurt, I was crushed. I am crushed. I spiraled into a deep depression. Depression and self quarenting are not a good combination. This new hurt me so badly. He was our birding partner, foody trip member, and a cook extraordinary.  He is a man with a sense of humor that lights up ones soul. How could I go on without him.
I spent a few nights not being able to sleep. I would wake up at 3:00am and not be able to go back to sleep. I was exhausted. I was in pain in my soul and my body. Every inch of me ached.
Last night, I went to bed at 9pm. I slept long and hard and I dreamed amazing dreams.
I thought of my two friends. One now dead and the other dying. As my dream opened up for me, I realised what a gift these two men have been to me. Both men were made of cosmic dust and I had received the largest gift of my life by being in this dust storm of their hopes and dreams.
I woke up happy and content. A gift this big is something to be happy about. Something to cherish. I will always cherish them both in my heart.

No Swimming ...its a pandemic

My thoughts today are clouded with images from my dreams. Why would I dream that I was a hostage of a foreign state. I tried my best in the dream to cooperate with my captives. Not showing fear. Always being positive.
What night I had with my dreams.
I woke up early or I should say the cat who was hungry,  woke me up early. Feed the cat. Cat happy now. My eyes refuse to open. Make coffee and eyes slowly open to the dreaded light. It is almost like a dream.
Our quaraten started in earnest on Wednesday, March 18th .ON March 16, Monday we did our usual Trader Joe's shopping in Portsmouth. We did not have our lunch. Went straight to the store. The scene in the store was very strange, people were scared, No one looked into strangers eyes. The entire scene could have been a David Lynch movie set.
The next day for St. Patty's day, we drove to the next town and had a most excellent Irish Dinner at dear friend's home.
And then we sheltered in place. That was the beginning of our corona New Normal.
Life went on, but, it was and continues to this day to be strange, scary, isolated, funny, and lonely.

A Very Strange Spring with Snow and High Winds

Sitting here with my bathrobe on at 10:16am might give you a clue as to where my mind is at today.

I woke up in full body pain which has subsided after coffee and coming down stairs. That is the good news. I see people hugging and gathering in public on TV and I want to be in that universal hug.
I want to go to my coffee shop and talk with friends. I want, I want.......

I know this will not happen today, tomorrow or any day soon. Caution is a good thing with this pandemic. Fucking Caution is good. Separation is good.

There are some signs of spring. But, spring is coming too slowly for my taste. We are having March Winds, and April Showers. Air pollution around the globe is improving rapidly. We humans are the cause of this pollution is our fault. It has always been our fault. But now with over population, the earth is tired and weary. It is sending out messages to whom ever can hear it.

But we did not listen 50 years ago for the first Earth day, and I fear we will continue our ignorance on the 50th anniversary today.

How simple is it to be kind the earth?  We need to stop filling in marsh land, stop building gilded tall buildings, and clean up our plastic filled oceans.

This change can only come from us. It is our choice to take action or to ignore all the signs around us.

Love All These Things

Things That I Love:

• First, myself.
• My family.
• Nature.
• Birds. Bees. and Trees.
• Quiet.
• Meditation.
• Classical Music.
• David Bowie.
• My house, my gardens, my trees, my plants, my herbs and my lettuce.
• Walking.
• My sweet cat Miss Becky.
• A good laugh that hurts your belly.
• Surprises.
• Food, wine, and cooking.
• Talking, writing, and thinking.
• Reading, listening to music.
• The smell of the marsh.
• The roar of the ocean.
• Farm animals.
• Friends.
• Humming birds, and baby birds.
• Good Movies
• Silence.
• Rock and Roll.
• Good Aged Cheese.
• Chocolate and Ice Cream.
• Nature.

Black Holes and Self Isolation

Music: The Beatles
               1
All their #1Hits.

I have been watching a lot of PBS during this self isolation. It is remarkable all the shows I have watched on Einstein, Big Bang, Black Matter, Black holes and space time.

All this information has made me aware of how fragile our Universe, etc is.

Men and women used math to find out about black holes, something we can not see, or know about....except the math proves it is real.

What a genius Einstein was. We are lucky, that he was able to immigrate from Germany before the great world war no. 2.

Today, once Glenn is done walking, going back to return his 97 year old mother's irs taxes to fucking H and R Block today: I am going to play in my gardens. Clean up and plant some seeds.

I am no genius but I know that music and gardening can take the sting away from the Corna Virus for a few hours. That works for me.

Short Tempers and angry voices

Anger, angry voices are not my friends.
I shut down when I am subjected to this behavior. It does not  happen often. I know we are all under a lot of stress during this Corona Epidemic.
I try to keep things light and airy. Music helps a lot.  Drawing also helps. Blogging is another good way to use up the extra energy.
Being outside watching birds, animals and flowers helps a lot also.

Whatever it takes, whatever works. Do it. Just do it.

This is no time for hatred or bullying.

Stay calm little one.

Don't be grateful for everything

Don't be grateful for everything, Be gratefull for every moment.    Br. David Steindl-Rast.

I Am Over That

Not really, some morning I wake up tired, stiff, and grumpy. I sometimes am lost in thoughts. Now did we get here and how long is this isolation going to last?
We live in a world where our president lies, does not know the truth and is a complete idiot.
He manipulates the news, people, and is an angry son of a bitch.\\

 How anyone could vote for him is a real puzzle for me. Heaven help us if he is elected again. Or if he decides not to step down. These are all possibilities.

My sweet world has a bitter after taste now.

I am no longer innocent. I am angry, and despondent.

I have lost my sense of humor, my self respect and want to shelter in place for the present time in my house and wooded back yard.

People are dying, people are sick, and people are about to lose their privacy.

How did we get here? Where do I go from here?

Pema Chodron Quote Outside

Dr John sings to my Soul on Easter Sunday.

Music City of Dreams
A Collection of New Orleans Music
Big City Blues

I am going to spend this day, kicking up my heels, dance, and sing joy.
Easter Sunday. Isolation. Pretend that I am on the Delta...sitting by the river.

Crazy as it sounds.  I like how this feels. My laundry is calling me. I am still in my bathrobe. Will shower when the laundry is done. And then I will continue to dance, sing, and realise how lucky we are, we are healthy, together, in nature. We are surrounded by woods, birds, and open skies.

Jim Rubbins interview

Jim Rubbins   NOTES: CBS Weekend Interview.....................

The Link from Nature to Virus.

Mother Nature's  Warnings

link Between human behavior and disease outbreaks

We need Eo Systems Literate People across the globe

We need  to link Ecology with Disease

We need to protect water, protect diseases and protect predictors


This should be a race to Respond

WE are causing this. Wildfires caused by knocked out natural fires systems. We arrive, we tear down nature, We bring in chemicals, invasive species, and destroy the Natural habitat.

Hope is Spring, Spring is Hope

Music: Japanese Melodies  For the Flute and Harp
Jean-Pierre Rampal and Lilly Laskine

Hope is Music

Hope is Spring

Hope is the sound of birds calling

Hope is the grass is turning green

Hope is you

Hope is me

My heart touched you

Touched you deep inside

And I smiled

I was home.

Slow Down and Breathe and Go Deep Inside Yourself

I have landed at the bottom of my thoughts. Boom. Quiet.
As I look around the world all I see is purple light.
Purple is my calming color. I breath.
I relax. Go Slowly today. Enjoy each minute.
Walk slowly. Think Slowly. East Slowly.
There is no rush today.
There is only to be, today.

Quiet Day With Sun Shine

Got up early. Made the coffee. Feed the cat. So far so good.

Sun was out and today we were starting our yard cleanup. Oh, to be outside and listen to the peepers and the birds. He always starts the cleanup on the right side of the driveway. Then we move to the front yard, which is raised and instead of grass we have a few bushes and lots of gravel.

There was a banner year for acorns last fall. So, we cleaned up by the stone wall, leaves, acorns, and fallen leaves. So but steady.

Did some reading, napping this afternoon. Had my contact in so, needle work was out. 

All I have left to do, is light and dark purple grapes which are made from French Knots. All the other knots are done. I don't want to rush to the end. 50 years is a long time to finish a project. So, I am slowly, getting to the purple knots, and the date and my signature which is what is left and then all I have to do is wash the piece, dry it, and may be block it.

Maybe I will start another 50 year project. Who knows, I did enjoy the quiet of sewing. Quiet time is very good for me. 

No music today. But, I guarantee that tomorrow this house will rock. 

Sunday Night ...music Best of Bowie! Need I Say Any More?

I have been playing different music since the start of Corona. Not long away, I started to combine my photography with my blog, but now I started to add music to my day, my photography and my blog.

Music today and then David Bowie.

     and let the dancing begin.....gently begin

It Might Not Be Pretty But It is My New Normal

Falling into patterns each day, more and more. Wake up. Make Coffee, check the so called news, and then turn on WBUR Classical Music, open the door to our guest bedroom and breathe, and exercise, and give thanks for all we have. Our house is just the right side, my christmas ear phones block out the french lessons of my partner, and our newish bed is organic and wonderful. What more can a self imposed quarteened lady need? 

Spent time outside yesterday, cleaning up the planters, and some of the herb garden. Our Webber grill has been dusted off and is in the yard now. The bard owls talk to us day and night. A lovely sound.

I have time to get peaceful with my arthritic body. We talk, sometimes the body listens. Works for me. Tonight, will be the first time of this spring 2020 season. Let there be smoke, I say. 

Soon, it will truly be spring. The hummingbirds will be back, the phoebees will guard their territory

I will be outside more, exercise and work more in the gardens. It is not perfect, but it is good.

Love

Music Today:
Italian Cafe
Putumayo World Music


Sun is out.and the rains have stopped. Walked down to the pond and back. Very quiet on the pond. No people, no frogs this morning. Too chilli. This afternoon the sun came out and the birds and the frogs started to do their things. The birds are singing, flying and looking for nesting materials. The frogs are look to mate and their call and yell and plea for sex. They are loud. Very loud my friends. Wonderful sounds. Peepers in the vernal pool by our house. We also have another one down the street, close to White Bridge. I could hear them today at my house. Yes, they were down the street but, I heard them sing also.
Our friend has a bad cold. I hope for the best and fear for the worse and pray to the winds, seas and trees that it is too soon to take him from us. Just too soon. Please. Listen to me.
Doing embroidery is so much easier than 50 years ago. For the life of me, back then I looked at the sketch of how to make French Knots and knew in my heart that this stitch will kill me.
Fast forward to now. Yes there is this Corona Pandemic going around killing people. But we have the internet to search how to make french knots on YOUTube.    How cool is that. Must be positive these days. I watched the video twice and now I am the queen of French Knots. This is good because the only piece of my embroidery that need to be completed is the FRENCH KNOTS.

I am loving this. I am the queen of french knots. Only have 90 more to do.

The really last item on the embroidery project is to do my name, and beginning date and end date.
BHM 70/20 maybe a heart or  BMilhender 1970/2020 ...no way to Barbara Milhender 1970/2020. Too many letters.But before I decide, I must finish my Frenchie Knots. 

Thoughts on Completing a 50 Year Project

50 Years ago I started an embroidery project. One day...a long time ago, I put this project away in my closet.

My  New Years project was to clean out my closet, my junk, reduce and live better.

So, I came across this project in the closet. We were already self isolating ourselves at home.

March 20, 2020 Home Self Quarenteened

Magellan TV Documentaries...another war.....another age............................