Trying to be invisible like a Cat.

 I had no success hiding myself from the pain, people and myself. 

The pain continues, the sadness stays fresh, and my life stops here.

I am anxious to heal all that hurts inside myself.  The process is too slow and ongoing for my taste.

I want what I want now. I need what I need now. Only instant gratification will satisfy my soul right now.

If this sounds like a complaint, it is a complaint. I need satisfaction now not later.

When will I be able to smell the flowers again and laugh with the Trees?

 Depression, dark depression has clouded my world. Two months ago, my worlds started to fall apart. I spent weeks with my sister in ICU helping our team bring her back to just our Judy. Returning home, went to Rehab to visit my 100 year old mother in law who had some strokes. While in rehab, we emptied her one bedroom apartment in a senior facility. This process took over two months, clearing junk, cleaning, more cleaning, calling the junk man, and moving less junk to her assisted living studio apartment. Neighbors spent the time getting covid and our street in isolation. My body responded to this caos to add bone on bone lower back sciatic and  slowly over the months, I forgot how to sleep.

Yesterday, I feel apart. Sadness overwhelmed me. Tears flew off my face. Darkness engulfed me.

So, today I asked myself  was this a good time to stop taking Prozac. My drug of choice from the last 20 years was put back into my medicine cabinet. I should have seen this rocket of self destruction coming but, I was in the flow of self destruction, sorrow and denial.