Waiting and Waiting in Spring

 

Spring is full of waiting time. Waiting to hear the first new green leaves sway and play in the breeze. Spring is waiting for the first hummingbird to appear on our feeder. This spring waiting for the call from my doctor's office as to the date of my upcoming surgery. 

No sounds from the leaves, nor are there any hummingbirds (lots of chickadees feeding on the sweet syrup). Today, I got the call for the day of my surgery ..June 1. 

A huge weight has  lifted  in my anxiety. I can't wait for a working knee ...pain free. Oh yes, I am excited. 

Hitting a Brick Wall of Old Memories and Stories at 3:30am

 Full Steam ahead.....the mind is rushing, the thoughts are flying through space at a record speed and I am sitting at my desk at 3:30am with head cat in residence as my supervisor.

I miss David, it is spring and he is the spring guy who brought the beauty of  birds as the returned to our yard to mate, play and have their young. The joy of the warblers, bright, bold, and fast moving in the tops of the trees. 

I miss my old life.  The coming of the fourth pandemic round is terrifying me. Even with two covid shots in me, I feel cold and alone.

The weather is 70 one day and next day the sea winds chill my bones and I hide under the feather comforter for warmth and security.

I am having alone one huge  panic attack that is creeping up on me. I don't recognize my thoughts, actions or being. I am alone in my mind.

IT took 2 1/2 hours but now I can take penicillin

 Well, for the last 65 years, I always put on my doctor's questioner allergic to Penicillin.

Yesterday, it was confirmed that no, I am not allergic and for 65 years I thought I was.

Go figure. I enjoyed reading Eleanor Roosevelt's  book 3 reading at the longest ever Dr. appointment. Hitler is taking over Europe, country by country. What a frightening time it must have been.

  

Finally, we get our second covoid shot.

 Getting the appointment for the shots was near impossible. Finally, we went through a back door and got appointments. Getting the shot were the easy part. Very organized, swift, fast moving and before you know it...it is done and you have the paper work to prove it.

It is very anticlimactic. Joy lasts for a few moments. Relief and freedom thought last a little bit longer. Soreness in my arm lasted the longest. Poof and it was over. Stress levels down, a hint of a normal life.

Then I hear the shots las six month.  We never win.