I So Don't Want to Write This

 But, I will. Life is filled with ups and down. Learn from your downs and step up to your ups .This life trip is not easy.  Emotions run high to low also. Again, leave from your lows and step up to your highs.

Find a hobby or a venue that stimulates your whole mind. Emerge yourself into that hobby/ or venue.

Study it. Watch it from the inside and then on to the outside.

Don't look for a guide. There is none.

It is ok to be shy, or an introvert in this wild. Just be quiet and watch, listen and learn from people around you. Ask people questions about their lives. People love to talk about their lives. Ask them about their hobby/venue. Listen. Listen. They will talk and you will learn.

It is ok to go to quiet spaces and enjoy the silence. Take time for yourself and your spirit.

Turn off the television if you can. Move to another room. Build your quiet space and use it when needed.

Cherish time alone with your quietness.

Smile, greet new people and ask them how they are doing. Smile , just plain smile.

Be kind to all people. Including yourself. Give all human beings dignity, and do it now.

You have nothing to lose, only to gain. Take the first step forward. Make a list. Add list to calendar. Use Calendar for appointments, reminders, birthdays & anniversaries. Also, doodle and keep track of your aches and pains, your happiness, your sadness. You joys, your accomplishments. 

State the New Year with a Positive Attitude. Grow, Develop, Learn, and Love this coming year.

(Go On Stage) 

Thought I was more on top of emotions, daily life and calmness.

 Wrong, wrong, and wrong. Drove half way to Andover and noticed that I should have gotten my car inspection in September. Today is almost the end of December. How did I space that out. Granted, I have driven so few days in my car this year. But, this pandemic brain, thinks you are doing fine. Just fine. Then you look in the mirror to find a tired, washed out face...that is your reflection.

Sure, it has been depressing. Staying at home month after month. So many things to worry about. This year's election, Trump's giant leap into madness,  the economy, empty shelves at the grocery store and  the loss of being able to sleep soundly and wake up refreshed.  All gone. 

That happy content feeling, is gone, all gone and the feeling is of emptiness, loneliness, and sadness. I started to notice how odd people act in the stores. Then I realized that I act odd outside, there is an inherent nervousness about me and those around me. I wonder down the supermarket lanes, confused, looking for something  but not really knowing what I need or want or why I wander through this store. Is it to see people? Be with people? Am I that lonely, sad, and desperate?

There was some joy watching Biden win the election. But then Trump still refused to say he lost the election. The news of the new corona shots should thrill me, but, I can't get my head off my pillow.

I drag around my body. My body aches mostly from arthritis but, it also aches because I am so unhappy.

Is there any end in sight. This coming winter will be bad. The virus is on its second wind. People still refuse to wear a simple mask to protect themselves and others.

With the help of friends and neighbors, we will make it thought the winter. But, come spring, our economy, our nation, and ourselves will be exhausted. We will  bury the dead, and move on to a new economy, a much smaller population, fewer restaurants and shops. We will move on. 

First we dig and then we move on. ConEdison was right about that.

 

2020- A Very Strange Year in Review...it is almost over.

• Google Tracking shows in March I went to Newbury.
• Red haired president adds to stress with his lying
• Covid shut downs, stay inside all winter
• Read 40 pound book, 9th Street Women...all winter, spring, and fall.
• Finish 40 year embroidery project .
• Master French knots, add thousand to brim of summer hat.
• French knot glen's hat's rim.
• Listen to CD, and WCRB for entertainment.
• Listen over and over again, Glenn practicing French.
• Watch Becky tunnel in guest bed while I do my yoga practice.
• Have another crown to fix cracked tooth. Love the new rinse of peroxide.
• Figure out that my left knee is bone on bon.
• Connect with some great neighbors.
• Enjoy being outside on our decks.
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Thinking of the new year and how to do it with attitude.

 Took a walk down the street to the marsh and White Bridges. It was a cold day but, instead of snow, it was raining cold water on me. Good day to walk. Quiet. Only brave people out walking. Very quiet, few birds, did smell deer in the far woods. The different trees are all my friends. I have been walking this route for over 30 years now. The walk has a few good hills, and curves to keep my mind free of life.

After the last hill, the view opens to the Great Marsh. We have a nice portion of the marsh right down the street. It is my marsh. I mediate on the bridge, screech my back her, and sit on the bridge and become part of the marsh. 

One never knows what one will see here. Today, I was lucky. I watched a great blue heron fly over the bridge. The bird should not be here now. It should have already migrated. But, I love watching these big birds fly gracefully with their long neck guiding their way. 

My next visitor was stealth and quiet. A perigone falcon soared slowly by over the bridge. He slowly flapped his strong wings three times and  picked up his speed across the marsh. His black helmeted head was beautiful. In a few seconds, he was gone. I was very grateful for him allowing me to see him in this slower form. 

Newman Road runs through the marsh. Salt marsh haying has taken place here for hundreds of years. 

The incoming tide is flooding parts of Newman Road today. It looks like it will be a super high tide. Fun loving people, trucks and other vehicles drive though the high waters. The Waves cover most of their vehicles.  I watch their  cars soak in the salt. Crazy people like these guys amuse me. It is a Newbury thing. Watching people destroy their vehicles. It is a long and slow process. But, I am a patient person on a rainy, cold day in December.