The Year of Whatever.Time Stands Still. Darkness Lurks.

 The sun is still warm and it is October 1. I sit outside and watch the bumble bees go in and out of their hive. They don't fly the bee line of  the honey bees. They fly in circles up and down and around. Sometimes it can take them five minutes of flying around to decide it is time to get inside the hive. Down they go into a hole is the ground that has two entrances side by side. I have heard that the Queen is the only bee to survive the winter. So maybe this is these bumblebees last hurrah. Good for them.

Even the warm and sunny day can not get me from this harsh depression I have entered into. It consumes me at times. I sit and stare and tell myself that I love you Barbara Milhender in repetition for minutes on end. Be kind to Barbara Milhender. She used to think she was tough. But, she knows that she has her soft spots to protect and keep the pain level down. That is the plan. 

The 2021 New Year's Resolution is 

                    "Talk Less and Listen More."

                    "Be Kind to everyone, including yourself."

When I think of this pandemic, I am so lucky it did not come when I was a teenager, twenty-ager, etc.

I have lived a wonderful life. Been to wonderful places, meet great people and truly enjoyed myself. 

I have indeed slowed down and not just in my movements. My brain has slowed down enough to listen to my thoughts. I can listen to  silence, I can list to a woodpecker far away in the forest. I can see deer tracks in my railed, walled herb garden. How rude. But all these things amuse me. I have a huge, really grand imagination. Years of my childhood, I lived in my imagination. I developed it. I nurtured it.

Do younger people ( under 70) have imaginations? Or use their imaginations? Or know about inward imaginations? 

What a boring time I would have during this stay at home period of the world! Yes, if I had no imagination, and I was 20...would go to parties. These kids need group stimulation on 24/7 and the internet gives them that and more. 

Back home, we walk into the marsh, play silly games, and observe our neighborhood birds. We make things with our hands. We read. We watch Public Television.

Yah, my life is boring, but good and safe.