It finally rained today, a nice slow and long lasting all day rain. We have been in drought conditions all Summer and Fall. So it is damp and cold outside, just like fall should be. But, I dream once again about the warm weather. I see myself sitting out on the deck with the sun warming my face and body.

Ah the warmth of summer. It will return next year. 

A Little more than a week to go for the national elections and pandemic is on the rise

 What me worry? Yes, I do worry. I lose my ability to sleep. I binge eat. I don't eat.

I stay inside and hide. I venture out, and come home scared.

Another long winter is coming with the winds of the pandemic blowing across the world. I can self-isolate with my man, did it before. But, I am making plans to have more hobbies, books, sewing projects etc about the house. I do not want to go down that dark tunnel of fear again.

I want to be happy, hug people, go out for a cocktail, go shopping, and mostly spend a day in my favorite museums. 

I can wear a mask. I try not to disturb non mask wearers. I do help senior cover their mask over their noses to keep them safe. 

What if the President wins a second turn. The upcoming election is almost here. What will I do if he wins again. A man that evil is dangerous. He threatens my lifestyle, my being and my husband.

Thank goodness the world has dark chocolate.  

The Good, the bad, and ugly.

The Good

 Oct 10,2020

The bad and the ugly:

The President was in the hospital for Covid but came out a few days later....cured! No need for any more masks. He wants no part of virtual debates. He is a better bull when he is live.

It just goes on and on. If I stop the newspaper, or the tv news , it goes on  and on in my brains.

Over and over, the news is tossed like river stones, but, these never get smooth. They bump along my cortex and cause lack of sleep.

A Very Pleasant Day

 Sunday. A peaceful day and a very pretty day with warm weather is here. Our national news has turned into a soap opera. It is all  pretty unbelievable. Trump in the hospital with Covid and eight people around him also have covid.  I wish him no evil thoughts. But, he deserves what he got. Pandemics are very serious and he has been playing with fire...no masks fire, and he got burned. He does not set a good example. 

But today is a beautiful day. Tea with Misty and Lee and a nice walk down to White Bridge.

Made myself for breakfast, toast and nice egg. We leave tomorrow for Jackson, NH for 2 nights. Our refrigeration is very empty. 

The Year of Whatever.Time Stands Still. Darkness Lurks.

 The sun is still warm and it is October 1. I sit outside and watch the bumble bees go in and out of their hive. They don't fly the bee line of  the honey bees. They fly in circles up and down and around. Sometimes it can take them five minutes of flying around to decide it is time to get inside the hive. Down they go into a hole is the ground that has two entrances side by side. I have heard that the Queen is the only bee to survive the winter. So maybe this is these bumblebees last hurrah. Good for them.

Even the warm and sunny day can not get me from this harsh depression I have entered into. It consumes me at times. I sit and stare and tell myself that I love you Barbara Milhender in repetition for minutes on end. Be kind to Barbara Milhender. She used to think she was tough. But, she knows that she has her soft spots to protect and keep the pain level down. That is the plan. 

The 2021 New Year's Resolution is 

                    "Talk Less and Listen More."

                    "Be Kind to everyone, including yourself."

When I think of this pandemic, I am so lucky it did not come when I was a teenager, twenty-ager, etc.

I have lived a wonderful life. Been to wonderful places, meet great people and truly enjoyed myself. 

I have indeed slowed down and not just in my movements. My brain has slowed down enough to listen to my thoughts. I can listen to  silence, I can list to a woodpecker far away in the forest. I can see deer tracks in my railed, walled herb garden. How rude. But all these things amuse me. I have a huge, really grand imagination. Years of my childhood, I lived in my imagination. I developed it. I nurtured it.

Do younger people ( under 70) have imaginations? Or use their imaginations? Or know about inward imaginations? 

What a boring time I would have during this stay at home period of the world! Yes, if I had no imagination, and I was 20...would go to parties. These kids need group stimulation on 24/7 and the internet gives them that and more. 

Back home, we walk into the marsh, play silly games, and observe our neighborhood birds. We make things with our hands. We read. We watch Public Television.

Yah, my life is boring, but good and safe.