Learning to not panic is a lifetime practice. Lost wallet...calm down. Lost card...calm down. Can't find my taxes....start to panic. I have never had a good memory. You could say that my mind is weak. Names fly out of my head faster than a NY minute. I have lost my car in large airport garages, underground three level Prudential Building in Boston parking, and shopping mall parking lots.
I have been a day dreamer as long as my memory can remember. I watched the birds and squirrels out side my school windows, forget my homework, did the wrong homework, and struggled with the reality of working hard in school.
Sooner or later, this daydreaming will cause Panic with a capital P. The panic used to enter my head and roll around until I was in a deep panic and sweat.
Did it help that I was extremely shy, introverted, and lacked self-confidence? That was the icing on the cake. I panicked when I had to meet new people, old people, fat people , and any people.
The panic was real. The panic overwhelmed my personality and I slowly closed down who I was and where I was going. My mother saw this quite clearly. She pleaded with my father to get me help to cope with my panic. He was not as astute as she was and he said no to getting help for me. It was the late 50s and getting help was frowned on.
In high school, I gave my 12th grade presentation on a chapter of Homer's Iliad. The entire semester grade would be the result of this talk. I remember leaving the safety of my desk and went to the lectern in the front of the class. I started my talk. I remember as I read more and more, I was reading in a long tunnel that was quickly closing. I keep talking but I had to get closer and closer to my notes to see them. I knew I was in big trouble. But I went on to the end. The class bell rang and I ran out to the fresh air of the hall. After school, I went to see my english teacher. She was not shocked to see me. She asked my why I can to see her. The words slowly came out, and I explained what happened to me in her class during my presentation. When I finished, she looked me in the eye and said with a smile "My dear, you had stage fright. The next time you give a talk"...I interrupted her at the thought. I told her that there was never going to be a next time. She laughed. She said yes I would give another talk and yes, I would get stage fright again. But, it would not be as severe and each time, I stood in front of people and gave a talk, the stage fright would be less and less severe. She looked me deeply in my eyes, and said in the future, I would give a talk and realise that I had no stage fright. She continued... "and you will say to yourself, "well Miss Teed was right." Years later I gave a talk in front of hundred people and in my mind I thanked Miss Teed for the greatest advice I ever got in school.
No comments:
Post a Comment