Living a love- hate relationship with Pain
Pain comes and goes without any warning. No advance notice, or farewells are given out.
It is a constant throbbing that lives within my body. Sometimes it is a sharp pain that shouts and pierces the length of my body. It makes my muscles weak. It makes my muscles scream.
My fingers sometimes work, and sometimes don't work and objects fly out of my hands and crash down at my feet. My ankles are weak, the feet are a wreck. My neck gets stiff, and my wrists shout out to me STOP EVERYTHING.
It comes and goes. Sometimes, it comes and stays for days, weeks, months...an unwelcome guest with no manners.
It controls my exercising, walking, driving, sleeping, and even sometimes eating.
This is no picnic. No pleasure, no fun and I opt out. But, this is a life contract.
There are quick cures for a lot of ills, but, my ills are not so lucky. Some days I try to make friends with my pain, some days I curse my pain, and most days carry on sad and grumpy with the pain.
Chronic pain stabs me and drains all my energies. My smile disappears into a frown. My hair gets limp and unmanageable. My nails struggle in my crippled hands. Each nail has distinctive raised lines imbedded in what once was a smooth surface.
I know this is a battle that I can not win and yet, I try to sooth the pains with hot baths, marijuana and anti-inflammatory medicines, fruits, vegetables, herbs, and spices.
But some days, I have a twinkle in my eye, a hop to my walk, and a song in my soul. Where the pain goes, I don't care. But sometimes, I have a short break. A wonderful happy break of conscious thoughts of relief and euphoria.
The euphoria is like opening a door and a soft pale light is made visible to your soul. You know this moment is special. You rejoice in the magic it brings to you. Freedom from the grip of pain is gone quickly, but I know it won't last long. So, I make the most of this gift. I am so grateful when it goes away. I rejoice. Oh happy day.
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