Slow Recovery Of Getting One's Own Life Back together

 Seriously, how long should it take to get my normal life back. You know the one, travel  around Europe on a small French Cruise Ship where almost no English was spoken. Traveling without a mask, wearing a mask during PT mission impossible but now I do it twice a week. Fear of shopping without a mask, or just the fear of being with a lot of unknown people.  

Last March 3, at 9:45am I meet Dr. Matheous and he asked me what I wanted to do about my bone on bone knees (which also were wind swept).  Out of my mouth I said "I WANT MY LIFE BACK". With my permission he scheduled me for a complete Right knee replacement on June 1. Three months later, I told Dr. Matheous at a follow up visit that if I had to cancel our  trip to France again (It would be the fourth time due to Covid.) …if I had to cancel our France Trip, that I wanted to have a surgery for my total replacement of my Right knee in October. As it turned out, October did not work, but he finally scheduled my operation on November 16th. 

And so it went, another covid test, another interview with the hospital staff, MRI, bag full of drugs and repaired crutches and borrowed Merilyn's walker once again.

Today is December 23rd, Christmas is this weekend. I am walking without the walker, or my crutches.

PT exercises are strengthening my new right knee. The only drug that I am still on is baby aspirin.  

My knee still gets very hot, still use ice, but, the pain level is doable without drugs. 

I still fizzle out of energy without warning. I still don't have the greatest sleep and I still take naps.

I read my history books, and listen to Classical Station WBUR at home. It calms me. Covid is still around, we here both have had our two covid shots, and booster shot. And for extra protection, we also got flu shots.

We stay home a lot. First, we stayed home because I was too weak, to doing much of anything. Now, we stay home due to another Covid variant is spreading like wild flower and its name is the

Omicron variant. 

Covid nags at my brain. It is always the light that is left on in the attic. It stops me from getting involved with new projects. It make me sad, it makes me cry and scream. There is no normal anything anymore. On top of this, I am spending all my energies get strong legs and knees to be able to take long walks this spring, work in my garden (clean up the fall dead plants at last, and perhaps, ride my bike.

So this is why I am not doing any embroidery projects, or playing with my new sewing machine, or drawing, walking the ocean or even feeling any creativity. 

All my energies are going to my knees. Let me repeat....all my energies are going to my knees and my legs. I am getting stronger, I will be walking in the spring. If that is not a huge task, I don't know anything more challenging that I can set my mind to.

So off Dancer, Prancer, and Santa. All I walk for Christmas is a good hike in the woods, up hills, down hills, around trees and shrubs.

I can do this...and yes, I am doing this. Watch me go.

Eye to Eye Contact During this Long, and Drawn out Pandemic

There was an artist show at a large old barn in Newbury. It was very organized. They allowed only people wearing masks. They allowed only a certain number in the barn. There were outside lines waiting to get in. Anticipation is everything. 

I was still using one crutch after my total right knee replacement, so I moved slowly and mindfully around the art work and artists. I stood away from the art and close to the artist. It was then that I  realized that the only part of  these people faces and my also, was our eyes. I started to make eye contact. Eye to Eye. How close is that, how personal is that. I talked softly and asked people where they were from, how they started their art and general questions.

But all the time our eyes communicated with each other. It was a very warm connection with strangers.

The eyes see so much, and eye to eye

is a personal experience. 

I closed my eyes and realized I was the goddess.

Who is this brave woman?  Who is the goddess of knees?

Who is striving to get her life back to normal?

Me. Just me.

When people say I am brave, I laugh. Who me? No Way.

But, in hind set , I see that it is me.

Congratulations to me.

Happy Warier to me.

I am strong. I have strong thoughts and action plans.

Who do I love?

ME!

Recovery Photos- Right Knee Replacement Nov.16, 2021

 

It truly takes a village to recover from Knee Surgery. 

Happy Holiday Greetings going into the Deep Well of Healing

 My right knee surgery is scheduled for Nov. 16 which is exactly ten days away from Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is no longer my favorite family holiday. Too much stress with fighting in-laws. Too many bad memories of spit fire anger over the turkey meal. Long ago, I loved Turkey day. We dressed up in our finest cloths, put the best linens on the dining room table, and took out the Lenox china and the fancy crystal glasses. The silver was polished up, and the entire house was tidy and clean. 

The meal was so festive and fun. Mom always bought  a frozen Mrs. Smith Apple pie. No one in our family baked. My mother would always say " Why back when Mrs. Smith's pies were so good and such treat to us all." 

Right now, Thanksgiving is 16 days away. I am not anxious about the upcoming surgery. I just let those thoughts roll of the top of my mind. What pain I will be in will come and go. I just need to stay focused on healing, staying positive, and keep the anticipation of soon to be pain free in both knees in the back of my mind, long walks in my future.  

Keep on the sunny side, my dear.....I know you have alot of nice walks in your future.

The Dark Side of Getting Well

My Right Knee surgery is coming up and it feels like the circus has moved in.  My Covid calendar which was pretty blank is filling in with Doctor , my hospital surgical Nurse Practitioner, , my surgeon's Nurse Practitioner, EKG, blood works and Follow up and finally Pt Appointments. Calls must be made to get my covid test 72 hours prior to the procedure. Three days prior, I must apply a surgical soap bottle to my body and continue for the next two days.

Call the hospital to reverify my operation's time. Go to the Pharmacy and pick up pills, and more pills. I am exhausted already and have not been sleep well. 

I need to go to that quiet place in my brain and let the sounds fade.

 

Singing in The September Blues Style in My Dreams