Stress and more stress. Lung cancer, leukemia, broken ribs and other sick people surround me.
I am well, but I worry alot, a whole lot of family members and friends who are currently in treatment for bad diseases. Strokes, and dementia and seeing family lose their minds. I take it all in and then, I crash.
I crash big. I can't think, my mind goes foggy and huge depressions blankets my soul. I am usually a very positive person. But, now I find despair learning of friends and family members who are in treatment.
I want to cry and scream. I want to make everything better and I can not. I want to visit my sister, and I don't want to see her suffer, stumble over her word since her strokes, and taking in chemotherapy.
I feel alone, and frightened. I see no hope or solutions. I feel like the little chicken who was in therapy years ago when I needed to learn how to cope with people, strangers, family and friends. I lacked the skill. And now my brain just shuts down. It can not cope. Once again, I can not cope. Have I not learned anything over the years. Years of yoga, and Zen teaching should be helping me now. But it does not. I go insidmy shell and hide from everything. I go down this deep hole and hide.
